Tuesday, 2 February 2016

The reality of blogging with M.E.

I love my blog, but you might have noticed that I haven't been updating it very frequently recently. It is not because I have run out of things to say, or lost interest! It is because my most severe symptom of M.E. is brainfog. I find it very difficult to read and write, processing words and conveying ideas can be extremely difficult for me.

I am continually starting drafts for posts or thinking through ideas that I would like to share in my head. But getting them written out in an orderly fashion is almost impossible sometimes. There is a lot that I would like to say, and as a chronic illness blogger the irony is not lost on me that I am often too unwell to keep up with my blog! It can be incredibly frustrating having things to say but not being able to express them.

Blogging is a form of therapy for me, it helps me work through my issues, and has proved to be more beneficial than I had ever imagined it would be. Without blogging I find a growing sense of discontent and tension, I need to wok through my thoughts, and I need to be heard.

This problem affects me in my personal life as well. I am isolated by my illness and only able to see friends a few times a year. We make up for this by staying in touch via social media, text and occasionally Skype or phone calls when I am well enough. I find it very difficult to compose messages and exhausting to complete them so that they don't have any errors. My goal is to reply to each message I receive within a month, but unfortunately that is not always possible. To give you an idea of how infrequent my communications are I often prioritise blogging over replying to individual friends as this way I know that I can reach many people at once! Most of my close friends read my blog, it is a great way of making sure that everyone is on the same page, but obviously not ideal!

The subject of brainfog has been on my mind for many months now. I have never considered it to be something substantial enough to write a blog post on; however it affects me every day and is a massive part of my life. Brainfog is a very hard thing to conceptualise, it is difficult to talk about and difficult to describe.

Do you have any experience of brainfog? If so how do you cope with it?

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